does not include the many failures i experience on a near-daily basis: grades that make me feel bad, my struggles with critique, the feeling of not being liked, etc etc

I was so sick of this paper at this point, especially because it wasn't within the realm of work I was doing anymore (and I was so far away from the summer during which I started it). It ultimately got shelved, but the other authors are re-running the study in a new way -- I wish them luck!

I think I probably could've talked more about my research (and could've had more of an idea of how I wanted my research to progress) in my application, but alas! These things are always out of my control. If anything, scholarship applications are always a really fun way to reflect on my worldview and my values.

One of my references was submitted later than their deadline and they stated that when rejecting me from the program (even though they took it) -- who knows!

First PhD paper submission -> first PhD paper rejection. I felt really proud of this paper so I'm pretty bummed about this (and dreading reading the reviews a little bit), but this is all part of the academic process, for better or for worse. (Later reflection -- the reviews were very helpful. I'm really glad the reviewers gave the paper a chance to improve.)

I think I would've had a lot of fun with this, but sometimes things just don't work out (and they had a lot of applicants).

This is maybe one of my greatest failures from my first few years in grad school. I wanted to add this because I think it's really important to acknowledge how much responsibility we hold as people who come from and represent what can frankly be very harmful institutions. Even as someone who knew this, I let my own avoidance inform my actions, and I didn't honor our relationship well enough -- my feelings of anxiety and sorryness didn't replace action. This wouldn't have solved everything, but something I wish I had had a conversation with my community partner about expectations before we started, specifically around workflow and process. I feel like so much breakdown in general is about expectations and accountability. For you and your community partner: How often do they expect you to check in? What is important for them to be a part of? What do they expect your relationship to look like? Obviously these things change (and need to change based on [the development of] your relationship), but having something defined at the start would've been helpful.

I was really hopeful about my application, but there are so many possible reasons why I could've been rejected (e.g., new PhD student w/o masters, not enough pubs/experience, wording not directed enough, interdisciplinary work). Interesting to try to make sense of things when none of that feedback is given. If anything, I had just started the first year of my PhD when I applied and my research interests have changed a lot since then, so I'm looking forward to getting another opportunity to sit down and think about what I care to do now that my interests have matured a little!

This paper kind of already belongs here on this page because I had an incredibly hard time finishing it up (and was only able to do so with the help of two wonderful researchers from the lab that I did this research in). This was our first submission. Thankfully, we got really helpful feedback.

I tried. :)

Sometimes you won't measure up and sometimes it's just not meant to be, and both of those things are okay! So many factors go into decisions like these and it's hard not knowing why I got rejected from some of these programs... but we're worth so much more than our material accomplishments. I made blackout poetry with some of my rejection letters, if you're interested.

This application process really forced me to reflect on my values and accomplishments, which was really cool. Whether my impact on the world is small or large, it's still impact; I just want to make sure it's positive.

This was a lesson in not overthinking the factors that can lead to a rejection and/or just taking things as they are.

It happens. :)

I was super excited about running this conference with one of my good friends about a year ago, but things went downhill after COVID-19 forced a change of plans. I learned that it's okay to just let go sometimes, and that there are costs to taking on too much -- not only for myself, but for others (like our team, and the people who may have been looking forward to the event).

You only need 1 yes!!! This experience was like a practice round for grad school apps later this year, which will be helpful in many ways :)

The worst course grade I have ever received. What I learned (or was reminded of): 1) Always make sure to thoroughly study concepts you feel shaky on. 2) A basic understanding needs to be supplemented with practice, at least for math classes. 3) Don't take 2 math classes at the same time, especially during a pandemic. 4) You can enjoy (academic) things you're not necessarily good at.

I could technically still finish this, but I'm so behind that I've forgotten everything I've learned so far. I think I had a hard time because I hadn't yet taken matrix algebra, and honestly, I've never really seen myself as someone who'd be good at ML. I ended up taking an applied machine learning course in school. I enjoyed it a lot more AND it was more applicable to the work I do, so I think sometimes you just need to figure out what works for you!

I do diversity in tech work out of a genuine passion for it, but some people have more passion than I do! Rather than forcing myself to "catch up", I will continue to work toward implementing initiatives that I want to see in the space.